3 years with a Miracle

Anyone that knows Grace, knows that she is energetic. They can see that she is happy, care-free, sometimes crazy, and frequently sassy. They'll find that she is almost always tough, rarely gentle, fairly loud, aggressively affectionate, quite witty, and that she is almost always trying to love something or someone. All of these traits are things you would imagine in a healthy, vibrant, full of life little girl. They make you think of resilience, and spunk and of a little kid whose spirit is unbreakable. Isn't ironic then, that all of these qualities are seen in a little girl, who by all outward appearances is strong, and tough, and yet at the heart, she is quite a contradiction to all of those qualities.

I was putting little Grace to bed the other night and laying next to her. We had just sad prayers and she had thanked Heavenly Father for her heart. I sang her a lullaby, like I usually do, and it was the Primary tune that says "He gave me my life, my mind, my heart"...After I sang this to her, she fell asleep and I just laid next to her and watched her breathe. Once upon a time, saying something that cliche would be ridiculous to me, but, being around little kids now for a while, I find it a perfectly normal thing for a parent to do. In fact, it is so so comforting and relaxing to watch my little one sleep and watch the rise and fall of her chest. I rarely am at as much peace anywhere else, as I am laying next to Grace just watching her sleep.

Well, I was lying there and I put my hand over heart, just to feel the steady, rapid little "thump thump" and I immediately started to cry! I don't know that I had ever really comprehended how fragile my spunky little girl is. But it truly hit me that she is a small, fragile little thing on the inside. That her heart is easily weakened, and that it is her spirit that is so resilient. What a miraculous contradiction. She is so strong and vibrant, and yet there is every reason in the world for her not to be so.

I'm so grateful for her, and the blessing she is in my life. I'm so grateful that she was given the gift of a new heart from some kind, and generous family. I'm so grateful that her spirit is such that she could take such a small, tiny little organ and give it new life. I'm so grateful that she is so strong, and that even though she could be weak, and sickly, she isn't! She has beaten all the odds and has always overrun any and all expectations with her health.

But, being reminded of the fragile nature of her heart and health is good for me, it is a good reminder to me to cherish her. I think I forget how special she is sometimes. Which, may sound bad to people that would never dream of being angry with her, ;)...but as her mommy, I do frequently forget what a miracle she is. It's hard to remember when she is yelling, or screaming at me, or kicking or throwing things, or throwing a tantrum on the floor, giving me the silent treatment, or when she has once again gotten into my craft room :). But, all of those things aside, the rotten truth of the matter is that at some point in her life, she will need another heart. I don't know when. But, I know it is lurking in our future somewhere. I try not to think about it, because I can't bear the thought of having to go through it again and having her aware of it all. I think it will be much harder when she is older and she will be scared. I would rather have her be unaware and to just have me hold her through it all. When she is older, it won't just be her family's trial anymore, it will be her's, and I can hardly bare that thought.

But, when I look at her and see her fiery spirit, I know that that is why she has so much spirit. She could never handle the future that's ahead of her if she were fragile and weak.

So, I will try to appreciate her spunk more. I will try to cherish my time with her more and to cut her more slack. After all, she is a miracle, just like every baby out there, and she's not perfect. Nor is her mommy. So, we will just keep chugging along day after day, and hope that Grace can keep beating the odds.

Gracey I love you. I'm so grateful for you, and your strong, fighting spirit. I love you just the way you are. I love you even when you yell at me, and throw things at me, when you slam doors in my face and when you sneak into the cookies. I love you I love you I love you. Please stay strong. :)

I wanted to post this so we have a record of what we did on her 3 yr. Heart Birthday, but, after my emotional ramblings up above, this will all seem rather mundane...oh well.

For Grace's Heart Birthday we took her to the bookstore to pick out a new book, and let her choose the restaurant for dinner. We gave her numerous options, like Outback, Olive Garden, Applebees, and Wild Wings, and despite every option we gave at her, she was adamant she wanted Chick Fil A. (I even threw Hooters in the mix to see if that would catch her interest! But nope. Chick fil A it was) So we got her Chick Fil A, took her to the park to run around and play and had a really fun time.

That night after Grace went to sleep, Topher and I decorated the house with hearts and red and white balloons and streamers. When Grace woke up she was so excited! It was really cute. I made her pink heart pancakes for breakfast with pink whip cream even.

At church she whispered to her nursery leader that it was her "heart's birthday" and then for dinner she really wanted to have our neighbors over. So we had a yummy dinner with our sweet neighbors and sang Happy Heart Birthday to her over a heart shaped Red Velvet cake. We had a really nice night and I was reminded how special Grace is and how blessed we are. I had to laugh out loud several times, because it just amazes me how much energy she has. I think I counted over 11 laps around the main floor and she was giggling the whole time. She ran into things and kept on going and kept on laughing, and it's that resilience that just astounds me. How many of us would run around in circles for 15 minutes, giggling all the way, run into a refrigerator, laugh hysterically and keep going? Well, Grace does. :) She just keeps going every day and I think she picks up speed as she goes! :)

We love you Grace and we are so grateful for you. Thank you Heavenly Father for answering all our prayers, some when we wanted, others when we needed them and didn't even know it. Thank you for knowing what we needed and when, and for knowing we needed Grace in our lives. I know now that she would be a force for good wherever she is, but I'm grateful we got to keep her here and have her mold us into better people for the next little while. Thank you for giving her a new heart and a new life. Happy Birthday Gracey's Heart.