VERY random thoughts of the day...

Mind you, these thoughts are in NO way organized. I just feel like talking, and figured this was a good outlet for that. These thoughts are also not WELL THOUGHT OUT. therefore, after typing half of them, i'll probably change my mind on my opinions of them. :)
With that in mind, if you are still willing, you may proceed. :)

Thought #1: harry Potter
why did I never read Harry Potter? I love to read! Why did I never read these books that are supposedly so amazing and monumental. I have NO idea. But, Topher and I got invited by his family to go to the midnight showing of the movie that's coming out, so Topher and I have begun to read the book before the one coming out, and also the book that IS coming out. So, we've been listening to it on tape, and I actually like it a lot. Did you know, the guy who does the voices on the books on tape, won a GRAMMY for his amazing voices, and also went in the GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS for "most voices in one recording", or something like that. he's amazing.

(I told you this post would be boring, so its your own fault if your rolling your eyes, wondering "WHY THE HECK AM I READING THIS?!")

Thought #2: Pregnant
I want to be pregnant so bad!! Its ridiculous!! EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG seems to be telling me how dumb it is to want to be pregnant, and how I need to wait, and how I shouldn't rush, and I need to finish school, and I'm so young, and a dozen other reasons to wait!! I would be willing to say that two thirds of all those reasons are valid. ANd yet, I STILL want to be pregnant. I want so badly to have a little baby in my tummy and to have food cravings and to gain weight like crazy in my tummy and to have a big balloon belly that I KNOW topher will rub everytime he sees it! I even don't mind the idea of being sick. This is mainly because for the past two weeks I have already had OVER HALF the syptoms of being pregnant, and I'M NOT PREGNANT!! What's the point of being sick if it's for NO GOOD REASON!!? I feel nauseaus, I have cramps, I'm always hungry, I CONSTANTLY have to go to the bathroom, I'm grumpy, I'm exhausted...all of those are pregnancy symptoms, but i'm NOT pregnant! I find that so unfair that I'm sick, and its for no good reason.

Thought #3: Money
I hate money. I only work because we need the money, and yet I hate to work. Why can't I ever find a job that I actually love to go to everyday, and that pays well?! I think that I'm just not a working person. I'm not meant to work. I think I am meant to be home everyday, clean house, cook for my husband and make lots of babies. Money and I just don't go well together. I always spend it, and then I get in trouble. And i hate making it. :(

Thought #4: School
I hate school. I don't want to finish because I feel like its going to take me an eternity. And I'm doing horrible in it anyways. I always thought maybe I was smart, deep down, and that I just wasn't motivated...but no, I think I really am just dumb. Besides, what good is school, when I'm not going to work anyways? I'll never get to have a career of my own, because I want kids...so what's the point of wasting money that my Mom and Dad worked hard to earn, on an education that will never be of any use to me? Now, I know that Pres. Hinckley wants us to get an education, and to be completely honest, I love to learn. I just feel so defeated in the area of school. Like I've hit rock bottom and will never be able to do well in school again. I feel like I'll never be able to just start over. The grades I got are official and on a transcript and that just sucks. I just feel like giving up, which I know is pathetic and wimpy. But its how I feel.

Thought #5: I'm pathetic.
I'm realizing that all my 'thoughts' have in some way been complaining. I should be so grateful for everything I have, and I should have faith that everything will work itself out. But for some reason, I just feel empty, and lost, and like things aren't going the way I want them too. I know I should be positive, and energetic. I know I need to be grateful for everything I have and stop whining and complaining. But its so hard because I feel like I have no motivation. I wish I could be one of those people that says, "This is what I want to do, so I'm gonna do it!", and that I could then actually DO IT. But I've never been able to be like that. I always say, "this is what I want", but then I never have the discipline to follow through. :(

big sigh...

i love my family. I love my husband. I love my apartment. My job is a good job that pays well and that fits my needs. I love to watch my husband fly kites. I don't need a baby RIGHT now. I can wait. I love my sisters. I love my MOm. I love my DAd. I love jaxon and gavin. I love babies. I love to snuggle baby Caden. I love baby Aaron's smile and giggle. I love my big brother! I loved how Anya was such an adorable tough goalie over the weekend. I love cooking. I love a clean house. I love to be outside. I love to learn. I love to read. I love Monster Milky candies.

I just need to remember these things that are important to me, because these are the things that really matter, (except the monster milkies...not so important) And I need to have faith that Heavenly Father loves me. ANd that he's not going to abandon me. If I feel empty its my own fault. And I need to remember to be strong. And to not give up.

Anyways...this was more like journal entry wasn't it?
If anyone actually read this whole thing...wow....i'm impressed with you. Thanks for reading.

Love you all!


My Daddy!

So...since i'm the most horrible daughter in the WHOLE WORLD....I wanted to do this to make sure my Dad knew that I really do love him so so much. And just because I'm a forgetful, bad, horrible daughter doesn't change the fact that he's a wonderful Dad.
I'm so sorry DAddy!!! Will you PLEASE forgive me?!!!

Anyway...I thought this might be fun to do the same questions as Dacia did on her blog...

Question #1: What is a favorite dish your Dad makes (or what has he ever cooked)?

Well...My Dad wasn't really one for cooking. Especially since my mom is such a darn good cook...But, like Dacia, I too remember his Spanish rice...that was the famous Daddy meal, and it was good...But along with that, was his specialty macaroni and and cheese. He'd put in ham chunks, cream of mushroom soup and stewed tomatoes. That was pretty yummy. And then there's always his grilling. I love when my Daddy grills stuff!! He grills some of the best steak and chicken I've ever had!! I remember numerous times back in Farmington when he would grill and there would never be enough meat because EVERYONE wanted seconds.

Question #2: If you could describe your dad in one word, what would it be?

I really don't know. There's a lot of words that would describe him. He has so many different qualities, some of them complete opposites from one another. He can be so wonderful and sweet, and other times he can be hard and mean. ;) Probably a lame word, but, I think that my dad is dedicated. Whether it's dedicated to being a good dad, to fixing a mistake, to doing his job perfectly, to being the straight A student, or to winning at a game of "oh Heck" he's dedicated.

Question #3: What is a time where you remember laughing with your dad?

I can't exactly remember a specific time laughing with him. You don't get a real laugh out of him very often though. He'll smile and kinda chuckle, but the real laughs are hard to come by. Like Dacia said though, they're really fun to hear. He's got a fun laugh. He laughs a lot with Rachel, when she does funny things and such.

Question #4: Share an experience where your dad made your life better.

There are so many! He pays for my schooling, he paid for my wedding, he always took the family to explore the world! It was so much fun to travel with the family, and I know I'd never have gotten to do all that traveling if it wasn't for my DAd. He also instilled a love of music into me. I never wouldv'e played piano as much as I did, or at all, if it wasn't for my DAd. I know I never would've wanted to compete in a Scholarship pageant without that talent either. I also love to sing, and although that's something given to me by both my mom and dad, I always loved to listen to my DAd sing.

Question #5: Share an experience where your DAd got really mad at you.

Yeah, kinda the same as Dac...there are a lot. But that's mostly cuz i was stupid and a difficult child. I would've gotten mad at me too. Probably one of the worst, that I remember, was when I failed a class in Junior high, and got a couple D's and C's on my report card. He was pretty mad at me. And rightly so.

Question #6: Share an experience where you gained a deeper love and appreciation for your dad.

One that immediately comes to mind is one Christmas, when he wrote me a poem, it was about being a bug. It was so sweet, and it reminded me how much my Dad really loves me. Sometimes I read it and feel like I really am "Daddy's little girl". Another experience that was really special, I remember on Rachel's baby blessing, my DAd got up and bore his testimony. That meant more to me than anything he's ever done. It was so special to me, and I loved him more than I ever had before. Hearing him say how much he loved his kids and how much they meant to him, that was definitely very important for me.

Question #7: What is one of your favorite things to do with your dad?

I like to play games with him. I love to go hiking or camping or kayaking with him. I also remember when he used to have work things at our house, and he would always make me play piano for his friends/co-workers. It was like he was showing me off. That was pretty cool. :)
I just like when he spends quality time with me. Which is a lot more now that it ever has been. So spending time with him at his house with him and his little family is a lot of fun for me.

I love my Dad so much. He really is so special to me. In the past couple years, as hard as they have been, he has changed so so much. He was never ever a bad dad, ever...but, he's definitely a better Dad now that he ever has been. I look up to him in a lot of ways. I admire his courage, and determination. I also think he is one of the smartest people I know. I love him so much and I'm so sorry I forgot to call and say Happy Father's Day.
So happy belated Father's Day Daddy!!
I love you!!

Love buggy


Tag Game...I hate/heart

So...I decided that Emily's game sounded kinda fun and that I wanted to play along...so...I believe it's 5 things I love and 5 things I hate... right?
Well...that's what I'll do.

I heart...

1. I love my husband. He is wonderful. He treats me like a princess. He cleans the house for me, empties the garbage, gives me back rubs, plays with my hair, loves and cuddles me and is simply the most wonderful husband in the whole world.

2. Kittens, puppies....pretty much anything that I can hold in my arms. I love kittens and puppies because of how soft and cuddly they are, and how they fit in my hands and lick my fingers. I always loved when my cat fell asleep right next to my head at night and I woke up with him on my head. It was so fun and I always felt like there was a little person with me.

3. Babies. I probably love these right now, because I don't/can't have one. I'm sure that once I have one...this opinion will change. But for now, I love babies. I think about babies and relate every object to how it would accomodate a baby. I love how cute they are when they giggle and yawn and hiccup. I love babies!

4. Water. This includes, but is not limited to, pools, lakes, showers, and especially rain and waterfalls. I love rainstorms and when the rain is pouring down but it's still warm outside. I love to swim and the smell of chlorine. I love to sit and look at a beautiful waterfall and listen to the water hit the rocks below.

5. My Family. I absolutely love my family. I love my sisters, (this includes you Jen). They are my best friends. I love to shop with them, talk with them and mostly just be with them. I love my big brother, he always makes me laugh and is so oblivious to any drama or fights that are happening. He'll always tease me no matter whose mad at me. I love my mom. She is always there for me and such an amazing best friend. I love my dad. He is so smart and I look up to him in so many ways. I love my neice and nephews, they are such fun little kids and they're always smiling. I love Sam and Karen because they are different from my familiy. So when I get sick of my family, they're a nice break. ;) I also love them because of how happy they make Mum and Dad. And I of course love my brother in-laws too. They are funny. But I like them less than everyone else cuz they stole my sisters from me.
My family is so important to me and I could never be happy without them.

I hate...

1. This one is a tie between traffic jams and grumpy old people. Traffic sucks. I get grumpy, and hot because my car has no a/c and I always get road rage and end up yelling. Old people are just deceiving. I always think that old people are supposed to be jolly. But then, out of NO WHERE, they snap at you or cuss at you. And then you have a horrible day.

2. Cops. Most of them, maybe not all of them, but MOST of them, are cocky and rude. They think that they have authority to do anything and everything, and if that includes talking down to you, yelling and you and in some cases beating you, then so be it!! Well I say that they stink. And they eat too many donuts.

3. House work. I hate how I clean and clean and clean and do laundry, and more laundry, do dishes, and more dishes...and yet the pile is never gone. There is always more laundry, more cleaning and more dishes to do...it is never-ending and I HATE it.

4. Fighting. I hate to fight. I hate fighting with my sisters, with my mom, with my husband, with people at work. I just hate to think someone I care about is upset with me. ...fighting with people that are stupid on the other hand...like people at STC...that on the other hand is just fun.

5. Hunting. I HATE people who kill things for FUN. I think it is cruel and heartless. They shoot animals that are beautiful and peaceful, and most of all NOT HURTING THEM AND SMALLER THAN THEM, AND... they do it just to have a set of antlers on their wall! GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

The Bestest Friend a Girl Could Ask For...

I was told...a little late I may add...that we were all doing a tribute to mummy. Well...for me, that is really difficult because there are hundreds of things I could say about Mom and why I love her so much, and hundreds more memories I could name that were my favorite with her.

So...since I won't be able to write every memory and every thought I have about my Mother, I will just write down my thoughts...all though they may be random, its how I feel when I think about my Mom.

Mom has been my best friend.

Mom has never given up on me.

Mom has been mean to me, cuz whose mom hasn't, but always made it up to me...and normally been justified in being mean in the first place.

Mom has loved me even through the times I didn't deserve to be loved.
Mom has always been silly with me, and serious with me.

If I ever wanted to be ridiculous, she would jump in with me.

If I ever wanted to sit and not say anything, she would sit right by me and just hug me.

If I ever wanted to talk, she would sit up til mid morning until I was finished.

Mom has never not had time for me.

Mom has never not had advice for me.

Mom has never not had a big hug and kiss for me.
Mom has always, for as long as I can remember, squeezed my hand three times to say "I love you".

Now...I always squeeze my husband's hand to say the same thing. And I can't wait til I have kids of my own whose hands I can squeeze in just the same way.

Mom is the most amazing mother I have ever heard of or met. And the most amazing mother Heavenly Father EVER could've blessed me with. She needed to be MY mommy. I wouldn't have made it to where I am now with anyone else...it had to be HER.

She is wonderful, funny, silly, SMART, BEAUTIFUL, creative, talented, emphathetic, sweet, understanding, patient, loving, sweet, gentle, GERMAN, comforting, accepting, and she's one of the easiest people for me to be around.

I could never get sick of her, I just miss her all the time.

She is perfect in every way, except for the fact that she lives 3 hours away. If she was a little bit closer, THEN she'd be perfect.

She is the best mother ever, and I'm so glad she's mine. I'm so glad that I didn't just get a mother, but that I also got a best friend. Some of the best memories I have are with her, and with Dacia, the three of us living together.
But also the ones where it was just the two of us. I could never go with anyone else to an "Aura Reading" and then talk for hours about what our aura color tells us about our personalities. I could never talk to anyone about as many of my failings
and sucesses as I do to her. And no one knows me
better or understands me more than she does.
She is wonderful, beautiful, youthful, SKINNY, and my best friend in every way.

Happy Birthday Mommy.