Random Thoughts...

Not too much has happened in the past few days, but I had a minute so I thought maybe it'd be a good idea to post in case things get crazy in the near future. :)

We took Grace to the Zoo yesterday with her Grandma Karen and "Auntie" Rachel. I think she enjoyed it SO much that she slept through over 3/4 of the afternoon outing. But hey, that's ok. She was adorable and so much fun to cuddle.
Lately when Topher and I have taken Grace places, we have found ourselves having a mixture of emotions. Glad that we have her and that we're helping her experience as many things as we can while she's here, and sad, because she won't remember them, and because these might be the only few memories she has here on this Earth. It's so hard to look at other families with their little kids who are healthy toddlers, running around and causing havoc. That might sound silly, but I hope and pray so much that Gracey will be able to grow up a little and cause some havoc of her own. It makes my heart sick to think that she might not.
The Zoo yesterday held similar emotions. I want to have her in my arms as a little toddler, pointing out the animals to me and oooing and aaahing.
We had another Dr. appointment today. Her saturations are still holding in the high 70's, which is great. Her Echo looked good and she's growing well. Again we had a bittersweet moment, when we learned that one of Grace's heart friends is getting his transplant this evening. They were sort of 'bunk mates', if you will, being born within 2 days of each other, always being a few rooms away from each other, moving from NICU to PICU to the 3rd Floor all within days of eachother, and with identical heart defects. I was so thrilled and happy to hear that he was receiving his new heart that will save his dear little life, but also I was so deeply saddened because it seemed to me it could have so easily been little Grace's. The news made me immediately break into tears, but at the same time I was so happy to hear the good news.
So many emotions that I don't want to deal with or have, but they're right there in front of us.
Please pray for this little heart friend of Grace's, that he will be strong through his procedure and that all will go perfectly. He and his sweet familiy so dearly deserve the very best that can be given. I pray that all will go well and that this really will be a huge turning point in his life.
We love you all and just wanted to give an update. Grace is doing well. She is beautiful, sweet and spunky, (she proves this to the Nurse's every week that try to draw her blood for labs :) )
Thank you for your prayers and support!! And I apologize if this blog was at all depressing, I'm used to posting for my sisters and immediate family, who are used to listening to me whine!! :) I truly am happy, and do indeed feel blessed. We have witnessed a miracle just in the birth and life of Grace thus far. She is wonderful and strengthens my faith every day.
Thanks again!
love, the Andersen's


Gourley Family said...

I remember going to the grocery store, when Ryker was at Primary's. It was so frustrating to see parents not even realize what they had, and just go on like it was not a big deal that they had kids. I wanted a normal baby SOOO badly! I know that when we have more kids, I will not take them for granted, had I not lost my Lilly and Ryker. We pray you will be able to make memories of Grace running around as a toddler and creating havoc! Her heart will come.
Heart hugs,
Emily and Mike

aj said...

Ahh, even more cute pictures. Thank you so much for the great post today. I can comprehend, though I may not fully understand, the emotions you felt at the zoo. And also what you feel on a daily basis. I really don't know how you have such an ongoing positive attitude, but I surely respect you both for it.

It strengthens my hope for Grace to know that her "bunk mate" did get a second chance at life today. I truly pray that things go well for him.

All we can do is continue to hope that Grace's life will be a long, and yes, spunky, one. :)

I love her dearly!!

princess jen said...

I love that last picture of Grace! And I'm glad that you had fun at the zoo. Karen kind of invited me too, but the timing didn't work out. And it's sounds like you had more fun without me!! I wish I had some sage words regarding the bittersweet things you talked about... I love you!

Our Family said...

You don't have to feel bad at all for being sad, worried, scared, etc. That's the one thing that other "heart families" get...you are never complaining too much! Casey is 3.5 years, and I still have those same emotions everytime we do something new (see our Tahoe pics!). That feeling never goes away, and you always wish and pray that your children will outlive you. I don't even like to delete "bad" pictures on the camera for fear I will regret it later! I carried this feeling around for a few years, thinking it was only because I had a "heart child", when I finally said something to a friend she told me that EVERY mother thinks that way sometimes, no matter how healthy their kids are. They obviously don't think about it as often as we do, but every mother has the same fears...ours are just a little more "real".

Amber said...

I appreciate your honesty....I'm learning that no matter what the heart defect, we tend to look at things in the same fashion. I need to say, you are so brave...Your Grace is beautiful...and I cannot imagine being in your shoes, our defect is so minor in comparison. Although it drew tears from me today, I enjoyed your post (it is a reminder to appreciate the havoc our little Gracie creates!) and LOVED the pics!

Super Daysh said...

It's good to know that transplants do happen though, right? If he got one, so can Grace! She will get one! She is a tough cookie and can wait for the next one. ;) We love you guys and love little Gracey even more (cause she doesn't whine and complain all day like her mommy...tee hee hee). Don't worry- she will get her turn too.

Mythreesons said...

Little Bug... I'm sorry you sound so down. But it's OK. Nobody expects you to be "up" all the time... how could you possibly? Every mom wants exactly what you want... I live in daily fear that I might lose one of my little boys... I think the fear is just more real for you. But we all experience it and hopefully we cherish our little ones more every day because of it. While Mom was here she said something that I've heard a million times before, but it was the first time it ever resonated for me... that "Heavenly Father loves us." Everything that happens to us, all our trials and joys and stresses and pain are because Heavenly Father loves us. Sometimes it's a little hard to believe... especially when I've just watched my friend lose her little baby... but if we remember that our trials are given to us because He loves us, somehow it inspires a bit more faith... somehow. But some days are definitely harder than others. I take hope that Gracey's bedmate got a heart... it means it CAN happen... I really wondered if it even could. It gives me hope (although it's frustrating to wait and wait and wait...). We love you guys so much and adore those pictures of Gracey... I can't wait to see her again. Don't lose faith.

Thoughtful Runner said...

Buggy - thanks for the post and the "random" thoughts - which hardly sound random at all. You have a way of sharing what is in your heart - and we appreciate it - and we admire your strength and your outlook on life. I certainly don't have any words of wisdom to share (maybe I need to run another race soon to get some!), but perhaps I can repeat some that have always meant a lot to me (even knowing that I won't get the quote exactly right). You have, no doubt, heard it before, but I think your life reflects it well. Basically, it counsels us to live in the present and live every moment to its fullest potential. Here is one that is at least similar: "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present." Another one along the same vein: "When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past."
Neither of these are the one I really wanted, but the message is the same - continue to live each day to the fullest - and if we do, we will never regret our yesterdays nor will we worry about our tomorrows.
We love you, Buggy (and Topher and Grace) - and we are so thankful for each moment we share with all three of you - and even more especially Grace. She is our gift.

Likes Chocolate said...

Thank you for reminding me to be grateful for every moment.

Anonymous said...

Grace's time will come just as Alex's did, and when you least expect it. Don't give up hope! In the meantime keep that beautiful girl of yours happy, heathly, and growing bigger.